I have now found my favorite spot in Nashville.... that's not shopping :) I LOVE this park! I've been twice. So, I decided to go today after work! I got off at 4:00 and ended up getting there at 4:30. The sun was starting to set, but I figured/hoped it wouldn't get too dark in the woods. We set our clocks back on Sunday and I didn't really know when it started to get dark. So I'm running on the running path and then I turn off into the woods, where you get fined if you run! So I'm walking and it starts getting dark, fast!! So I start walking really really fast. I just wasn't really thinking. I love exploring on my own and I did it ALL the time in Dublin. I would explore places on my own that a female probably should not explore! But I like to be adventurous.
Anyway, I was pretty cool with the fact that I was darking in a deer infested forest at dusk. But I've never really heard of a deer attack! It was awesome seeing so many deer come out at night and so close. On my walk I started thinking about how I would get so angry at girls for being so stupid running at night, of course they would be putting themselves in dangerous situations! ha! As soon as I thought this an old man started walking towards me on the trail. I wasn't "really" scared, but my heart did beat faster and I started walking faster. When I passed him I kept turning my head to see if he was following me!! I was so paranoid!! ha!! It was a pretty cool experience. I like how it was me, God, and the deer in the woods.... ok and the random old man... but it was still pretty cool.
About Me
Monday, November 3, 2008
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Satisfied?
So... today after church I decided to skip out on going to the park with some girlfriends and take a nap! Totally lame, I know. But I was a little tired and I have to work tonight... so... a nap sounded really nice. Although, for some reason I knew that maybe taking a nap would only make me feel worse. So nap time came and for an hour I dreamed I was in Ireland and that Mississippi friends came to visit me in Ireland. All of the sudden they all left and I was alone and my myself. I woke up feeling "homesick" and alone. That's the worse feeling in the world. I hate that alone sick feeling.
Moving to Nashville has been awesome! The transition could not have been easier. Usually its extremely hard for me to make any kind of change. And I would say that a moving away from a country where I learned a TON about myself and about the world and moving to a bible belt city is definitely a big change. I moved into a house where I have 4 roommates, who are awesome and all love the Lord, which is definitely a plus. I know God has me here for a reason, but right now I have no idea what that reason is! I moved for the primary reason that I wanted to study interior design. God opened the door for a place for me to live and an incredible church to go to! But now, I'm starting to doubt why I am here. Of course we all do this!
I think it was yesterday when it finally hit me that I feel guilty about the easy transition. I don't want to let my friends in Dublin know how easy its been. Even though I know they would be happy for me! I wish we could all be in the same place! But I do have that hope that we will someday all be together!!! But I can honestly say that this transition would NEVER have been this easy if it weren't for my time in Dublin!
This is where the dream comes in. We were all together, except for the Nashville peeps, sorry guys. And it was amazing!! I woke up and realized that it wasn't like that. Ever since I got back to America I have been ok with my life. I haven't cried or been upset, which is odd in my case, because any kind of change in my life calls for an emotional response. I have just been waiting and waiting for this emotion to come out. Finally today it did! It's not a sad thing. It's actually a relief! I do LOVE the people in Dublin and miss them terribly, so it's only naturally to be emotional about it. I mean, those people saw me at my best and worst, they saw me change and grow in so many ways! I have made some incredible and long lasting friends there!
But Dublin had become comfort! Comfort is not bad, but I think sometimes God wants us to wake up and focus on Him. This is primarily why I needed to leave Abbey. I had come to the point of arrogance in thinking that Abbey needed me! HA! God does not need me to do His work in Ireland, because God can do it on His own without anybodies help. It is a blessing that God even allowed me to stay for as long as I did. But I lost sight of that blessing. Now, I need to see His blessing in Starbucks and Merridian! And that is so hard to do!
Westend, the church I go to, has been talking A LOT about being satisfied in the Lord. I have recently put several idols before God and of course that's not been turning out so well for me :) I have always thought that if I won't get these idols until I put God first in my life and until I am satisfied in Him. One of my roommates told me that was, to put it in the British term, "rubbish" :) Satan wants us to think that we can earn gifts from God! I need to keep remembering that nothing I do prevents or allows God give me blessings. He gives because He loves me! And I have done nothing to deserve it! That's what's so amazing about grace!!! But the idols I have set up are so strong. I want to know what it means to be satisfied in the LORD!!!! How does this happen? Does anyone ever achieve it? Is it possible to be completely satisfied in the Lord? I just wish there was a step-by-step plan! I want to long for Heaven and not earth! I want to see Christ in everyone I meet. I want to not be ashamed of the Gospel or what Jesus has done for me! I want to truly understand what He has done for me! I want to know what it means to be filled up with God's love and over-flowing with it! When will I stop reading the Bible and praying only to be rewarded with what I desire on earth? When will it happen that I read the Bible and pray for the longing to be closer to God and never feel that I have had enough of Him!
Moving to Nashville has been awesome! The transition could not have been easier. Usually its extremely hard for me to make any kind of change. And I would say that a moving away from a country where I learned a TON about myself and about the world and moving to a bible belt city is definitely a big change. I moved into a house where I have 4 roommates, who are awesome and all love the Lord, which is definitely a plus. I know God has me here for a reason, but right now I have no idea what that reason is! I moved for the primary reason that I wanted to study interior design. God opened the door for a place for me to live and an incredible church to go to! But now, I'm starting to doubt why I am here. Of course we all do this!
I think it was yesterday when it finally hit me that I feel guilty about the easy transition. I don't want to let my friends in Dublin know how easy its been. Even though I know they would be happy for me! I wish we could all be in the same place! But I do have that hope that we will someday all be together!!! But I can honestly say that this transition would NEVER have been this easy if it weren't for my time in Dublin!
This is where the dream comes in. We were all together, except for the Nashville peeps, sorry guys. And it was amazing!! I woke up and realized that it wasn't like that. Ever since I got back to America I have been ok with my life. I haven't cried or been upset, which is odd in my case, because any kind of change in my life calls for an emotional response. I have just been waiting and waiting for this emotion to come out. Finally today it did! It's not a sad thing. It's actually a relief! I do LOVE the people in Dublin and miss them terribly, so it's only naturally to be emotional about it. I mean, those people saw me at my best and worst, they saw me change and grow in so many ways! I have made some incredible and long lasting friends there!
But Dublin had become comfort! Comfort is not bad, but I think sometimes God wants us to wake up and focus on Him. This is primarily why I needed to leave Abbey. I had come to the point of arrogance in thinking that Abbey needed me! HA! God does not need me to do His work in Ireland, because God can do it on His own without anybodies help. It is a blessing that God even allowed me to stay for as long as I did. But I lost sight of that blessing. Now, I need to see His blessing in Starbucks and Merridian! And that is so hard to do!
Westend, the church I go to, has been talking A LOT about being satisfied in the Lord. I have recently put several idols before God and of course that's not been turning out so well for me :) I have always thought that if I won't get these idols until I put God first in my life and until I am satisfied in Him. One of my roommates told me that was, to put it in the British term, "rubbish" :) Satan wants us to think that we can earn gifts from God! I need to keep remembering that nothing I do prevents or allows God give me blessings. He gives because He loves me! And I have done nothing to deserve it! That's what's so amazing about grace!!! But the idols I have set up are so strong. I want to know what it means to be satisfied in the LORD!!!! How does this happen? Does anyone ever achieve it? Is it possible to be completely satisfied in the Lord? I just wish there was a step-by-step plan! I want to long for Heaven and not earth! I want to see Christ in everyone I meet. I want to not be ashamed of the Gospel or what Jesus has done for me! I want to truly understand what He has done for me! I want to know what it means to be filled up with God's love and over-flowing with it! When will I stop reading the Bible and praying only to be rewarded with what I desire on earth? When will it happen that I read the Bible and pray for the longing to be closer to God and never feel that I have had enough of Him!
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